Sunday, January 10, 2010

New Beginnings.

It's been a long time since I've been here. Like I said in my last post - things have been stressful around here. Luckily, somethings have straightened themselves out - and some, we just have to hope and wait on.

So here we are, a week past new years (ok, maybe two...). Have you made your resolution? Have you kept your resolution? LOL.. I don't make resolutions, because I CAN'T keep them.
No matter how hard I frickin try, I can't manage to stick it out. Agh. Oh well. If you are stickin to it... awesome. I am in awe. You are my hero. :) I am again going to ask for your help.

I have a hard time saying "I'm a photographer". I've practiced in front of a mirror, I've done all sorts of silly things, but I still.can' when the time is right. Coincidentally, life has been throwing me TONS of opportunities to do just this thing. Just the other day I was standing in line at target and watching the lady unload the CUTEST newborn pajamas EVER. She was telling the cashier "my son just had his first baby today" in that super-excited-new-grandmother fashion. In my mind, I was super charming and sweet, and swooped over and said "Awwww, congratulations! I LOVE babies - in fact I photograph them!" while handing her my card.

In reality I choked. I cleared my throat like 5 times - until they noticed my discomfort. Ugh. This was NOT happening. My hands got sweaty clutching the card in my pocket - I turned it over. and over. and over.

I watched the ecstatic new grandmother wheel away excitedly to meet her new grandson. Tears welled in my eyes. "That crud you have is the worst" the checkout lady said - "never really leaves ya, just hangs on forever." I nodded.

The opportunity had been RIGHT there, begging me to face myself. And I didn't. Couldn't. No- wouldn't.

For me, as a new photographer, I have a hard time believing in my work enough to just say it to a perfect stranger.

This is my ONE goal for 2010 -
to believe in myself enough to say to ANYONE I come across that "I am a photographer".

I humbly ask for your support and advice and encouragement. I can't do it without all of you.

Just so we're all clear here- and don't take this as a wishy-washy resolution (I suck at those, remember?) I have started the ball rolling already.
I submitted a video declaring that VERY thing to a national photographic scholarship application.
No - I didn't recieve a scholarship. But. I was brave enough to say it to a camera, and then upload that video for thousands to see.
I intend to see this thing through.

So- It's 2010. And I, Sarah Permeh, am a photographer. New beginnings are wonderful - don't you think?

I'm so gonna rock this thing.